Everyone I told, trusted, leaves me or arent the same around me anymore. I know I must sound stupid and its kind of obvious why, but i cant say certain things without them, friends, family, boyfriend, girlfriend, thinking im about to go kill myself. Im not suicidal!! but they all have this impression that becuase i SI it means i want to die. but i was in a great mood today because i was with my friend and sister at the mall and i wasn’t at my dads house this weekend. we bought some chinese chicken and shared it. we gorged ourselves because we’re weird haha. but i was talking to my friend jake, one of the only people who i trust with my thoughts and secret. i said “omg, im going to puke chicken!” and he responded “on purpose?? jen, please dont. ive told you not to do that so many times. why cant you listen? do you not care how many people you hurt?” and i told him “…no. i ate too much.” i can’t even joke around with him anymore because of the things i tell him. none of my really close friends know because i know that they will act different around me, but all i need is to be around friends and relax, not think about what is waiting for me when i get home, just have fun. but my parents are threatening to take me to a hospital if they find out again. well, its just gotten worse. they get nervous when im alone, or if im taking a shower. anything. its so annoying. people tell me that telling people helps recovery, but why does it make me want to do it more??