I don’t really know what to do anymore. I just feel like im stuck in this place in my life and stuck in this town. I have no way out and I just want to escape. Recently, well not that recently, like a month and a half ago, something bad happened to me and for the last 2 weeks I thought i might be pregnant, but i was to scared my mom would find out if i brought a pregnancy test, so I just dealt with the stress the only way I know how. I si’ed a lot more than I have been and now it hurts to look at myself in the mirror. I feel so weak. All the time. Luckily today I found out I wasnt pregnant and ive never felt so relieved in all my life. But I still feel so stressed out. Via “force” I went and talked to my counselor about my si-ing, and about how I havent been able to find motivation to do my homework anymore. She said she thinks im depressed and wants me to tell my mom and to take some pills. I can’t do those things though cause my mother would never leave me alone, and she would just freak out at me and make everything worse, just like she always does. I have a friend that I told about my si and a lot of the other things in my life. Every time I tell her though I feel like i am just burdening her more and more and I dont want her to resent me for it later. She’s the one who told my counselor what I was doing and I know she did it because she cares, but I can’t figure out why. She even knows about my feelings towards her and she still wants to help me so much. Im so undeserving of her caring. I just feel crushed by all this emotion that Im trying to repress and keep under control. Even now typing this feels like im just a whining and being stupid. I hate feeling like this. It feels like im giving up, but I am too much of a wimp to take the easy way out.When thats all I really want to do.