I am struggling so much with my eating disorder the last couple 4 months or so. I was doing okay for a while and than I relapsed completely and now its bad. But see my counselor wants me to go into treatment but I am so not ready for that at all! I mean everyone wants me to go but they are not the ones who have to go! I need to be okay with it first!! I mean don’t I? My family does not know that I even struggle with this at all. I’ve kept it hidden pretty well. I mean they are definitely noticing that I am losing weight but that’s it. I am afraid if I go away my SI’ing will get worse. at least the thoughts of it cause I am actually doing pretty well from the counseling I have been getting. Its getting easier and I never thought that would happen. I also don’t think i am bad enough for treatment. I just think its all a bit dramatic. any opinions?
i feel your pain. but think of htis what other option do you have?
I know you’re in a tough spot right now and I think you should listen to your counselor. I’m not sure you’ll ever be “ready” to go into treatment, ED controls your head so you have no way of connecting to yourself and your real needs. I understand your concern about SI getting worse but when I went into treatment I was completely honest with my treatment team and they kept a close eye on me, helping me control both my urges to SI and ED.
I also want you to know that there is no such thing as “bad enough for treatment”. What ever state you are in now is serious enough for your counselor to suggest treatment. ED might tell you that you aren’t “bad enough” but to him “bad enough” is only when your dead. Don’t wait to get help it gets harder the longer you wait. You can do this life without ED and SI is wonderful. It opens doors that one never thought existed. Also, although you might be making progress at home it might not be fast enough and there is the concern for continous relapse (a few good weeks followed by a few bad ones) this takes a tremendous toll on your body (physically and mentally). Treatment sounds like a good idea and if you ever want to talk whatever you decide let me know. I’ll check back soon. Keep strong.