I’m not sure I’m ready to be better. it sounds ridiculous really.

I was talking with my friend the other day and she started to tell me how I need to help myself and that I’m the only one that can do that and I have to make myself happy. she then told me she didn’t know what to do for me anymore and suggested therapy and antidepressants. shes absolutely right though (at least about having to help myself), but tell me something I don’t know.

It’s not like I enjoy being like this, I mean who would actually enjoy being like this? yet I do nothing about it and when the few people that I’ve let in even attempt to help me I drag my feet and I have to be stubborn about it.  it’s like part of me wants help, a small part of me maybe, but part of me doesn’t…maybe because I think that being like this would be easier than doing something about it or letting my parents know? I don’t really know.

am I the only one that feels this way?