I’m really struggling right now. Some advice would be great. My problem is that I don’t have a reason to quit.
Now if you’re reading this and are completely shocked, I don’t blame you. There’s nothing okay about hurting oneself, I know. But that’s just my problem. I wouldn’t be hurting myself if I didn’t want to, and I do. What I need is a real reason to tell myself it’s not okay. I know that it’s unrealistic for someone to be able to tell me a reason for myself to quit, but I’m really just desperate right now. Living without s.i. for me, is definately not something I’d like to think about. It’s almost as if I need it, and when I say that, I really do mean it. I hope people understand what I’m trying to say! It’s just so hard to put into words. I know I do want to quit for my health, friends, and family, but it’s that I don’t have a reason to quit that would push me the extra mile to recovery. And again, I just don’t want to have to quit even though I know I should.
I’m just really hoping that someone out there will understand what I’m trying to say, and if you do, PLEASE don’t hesitate to help me out. Please..
I do understand what you’re feeling. I was there too…maybe i kinda still am. Im not sure. But maybe you can quit for yourself. Not for your family or friends. I mean only you can chose what you do or dont do. People can tell you all they want that they want you to stop but that doesnt do anything unless you truly want to. So i would just try and think about what life would be like without it. I mean wasnt there a time when it wasnt there? Even if it was a long time ago or if it wasnt…there was still a time you went without it. Which means there CAN be a time where you can go without it. You dont need it as much as you think you do. I know its hard to believe that, but you really dont need it. There are so many other things that you can do when you need help. Talk to someone, write it out, scream in your pillow, or pray. I dont know if you pray or not, but that really helps me. God has saved me sooo many times when i just came to him with my problems. Not trying to push that on you, but its worth a try if you want to. If not that’s fine too. I just hope you find something. And at least you’re reaching out here. Thats a good start. If you need anything or wanna talk, email me.
I didn’t want to quit either when I was hospitalized for si. I was sure that I could not possibly live without it. In July it’ll be 3 years, with a couple of slips, since I have si. You say you don’t have a reason for quitting, well why don’t you look at the person in the mirror. Really give her a good long thought out look. Because that’s the only one you can do it for. You are worth it. You can’t quit on your own, it’s pretty much impossible. You are si to mask the real pain that’s inside you that you just can’t imagine yourself acknowledging what you are really hurting from. You need to talk to someone who’s been there or you need a really good therapist that understands the thought process of someone who si’s. “Normal” people think that you can just wake up one day and say “Oh ok, I think today is the perfect day to quit.” There is never going to be a perfect day to quit. There is no good time to si, either. Keep a journal, write down what triggers you the most to si. Find out what your real emotions are. It’s the only way that you can stop. You have to be commited to that person in the mirror, because she really is worth it.