well  today was one of those icky days that i hate!!!my bf and i just pretend that nothing happens and sometimes its alright with me but lately its really been bugging me..well we went out to eat at sonic and the entire time she texted that “girl” and then she called and they talked the rest of the time….man that right there makes me believe that she nor that “girl” wants me that all they want is eachother…so i attend a youth group…i use to attend the church every sunday and wednesday no matter what..well some things went down and they called the most wonderful youth minister all kinds of words and he left and then the rest of the youth leaders went soon after…and we got a whole entire new youth leader and minister..nothing new there everyone leaves..but lately its been really really hard it just seems that no one understands..but today the new youth minister got really upset with me and went off on me..its really hard for me to attend something when this happens..but it was just the best news to make my day so much better..now im getting to the point that this just goes on and on and that its old and it is

but it wont go away and im affraid to say something because my grandma is going to have open heart surgery next week and its hard on my mom and just found out today…so my family is gonna be gone for 2 weeks and me all alone and im scared i dont want to si but its always on my mind..i havent done it badly for about a month but i have just so much pain fustration hurt that i dont know what to do with it..help? everyone is so worried for me but they wont talk to me!? so i dont know what to do there!!!but back to today…i feel that the “girl” just wanted to get to me to get to my best friend and that idk why she doesnt want me!!why NO ONE WANTS ME!? and i dont know what to do and why i should even stick around in this town maybe it would be best if i took off and went some where.but i cant..its so stressful and dont know how to handle these things..my mom tells me im jelous of them..but how can i not be? my best friend has been there was the first person to know about my si.. and now that she is leaving all i know is to turn to my si…i dont want to but thats all i know how and to make me feel better but only for a short time…so today was a very low awful day.

thanks for reading!!if you have any answers please say!!!