My name is Chris and I am a girl. I have been SIing for five years now and I am truly ready to quit. I have pretended to quit for a few different people but am now beginning to learn that I can only quit for myself. My problems that I can’t seem to let go of are my family life, which I’ll admit are NOT in horrible condition – but rather, still unbearable. I have asked for help with depression (not s.i. because i feel my parents would not control their anger toward it) and i went to see a psychologist twice. the first time, i felt extremely limited to what i could tell her (She said that if i S.I.ed or had ever attempted suicide that my parents would have to be notified, which was NOT okay with me) and the second time i saw her… she couldn’t care enough to remember who i was. and i was appauled that she could not have just taken the time to reread my file five minutes before i walked into the room. she asked me all the same questions and just reminded me that i was depressed. she told my parents this and they refused to get me a prescription because “meds make things worse” i feel all alone. my best friend stopped SIing for good and had not done it for over a year and three months and i felt like if he could do it, maybe i could. but he just had a relapse and i’m starting to lose confidence. once, i went six months without having to do it and right now i’m bordering on five months. it would be nice to break my old record and to go for a year and then to stop forever. i am in a very committed relationship with the man that i love and he is very helpful but he cannot relate because he has never SIed before… most of my friends do it too – and NONE of them stop… i feel like i shouldn’t HAVE to stop. and how can i when no one else is stopping? please don’t tell me to get new friends – i love these people, and they don’t intentionally bring me down. i feel like i will never be able to cope without and if i do stop, even for years, what if one day i relapse again? what if i have children by then? what will i tell my beautiful, unblemished kids when they ask about the marks? i am sorry. i feel like i should never have been brought into this world and that it would be better for the people who knew me if i were gone because they would not have to worry about me, or burden themselves with my selfish problems. i just feel like i NEED it. i’m sorry.