I am a SAFE alumni from years ago. In this last year, I feel I finally conquered my 11 year struggle with anorexia, bulimia, compulsive exercise, and self-injury. I am doing very well with my recovery. I handle my relationships well. I speak up and ask for what I need. I take care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually. I love myself finally and think I am a beautiful person inside and out. Now that I am doing so well and it is almost short-sleeve season, I am struggling with accepting my scars. I have horrible, very visible scars. While I was in the middle of my battle with self-injury, I never considered the permanent scarring. In fact, I was proud of my scars. I thought they showed everyone just how horribly I hurt and how horrible I could be. Now I feel my insides and my outsides don’t match. People who know me tell me they don’t even see my scars. I see them, though, and I am torn between shame and sadness. I feel so sad for myself that I used to hurt so much. I also can’t believe I did those things to myself. I’m struggling with memories of when I hurt myself and it kind-of triggers me. My therapist hopes I can see my scars and use that energy to feel proud of the person I have become. I am a strong woman – this I know. I just can’t get past this visual reminder of my past pain. I am so sad. I almost feel like I am waking up from a bad car accident and am just now really realizing what happened.