So today has been exactly a week without siing. Im actually proud of myself for it. I met a new friend who is so amazing about a week ago. And he’s been the reason i havent done it this past week. He’s given me hope and made me feel like i deserve to be happy…everyone else in my life has tried but failed to really show me that. I really feel like he’s my guardian angel that God sent me to protect me…from myself. I’m just so terrified I’m going to lose him. He lives in california so i dont ever see him. I’ve actually never met him in person. But i’ve gone through my whole life with everyone leaving me. From on purpose to just situations happening and losing contact. It started with my parents, to my grandparents, to my best friend…then the next 4 best friends. I lost them all. I sort of gained my parents back, but only in a physical sense. It tears me apart everyday how much i miss my friends. They meant so much to me, and they just left me. I don’t want to lose another best friend. He means soooo much to me. I hope i dont lose him. Anyways, that’s whats been on my mind. I’m trying not to think about it, cause then it brings back old memories and makes me think waaay too much…and that just isnt good. Cause it’s been tempting me a lot lately. I just hope it doesnt get too bad to where i slip up. Cause it’s getting there.
Thanks everyone for listening.