Hey all well its been awhile since my last entry and theres ben alot happen since then. i found someone that i can talk to about whats happening (SIing) and it helps but there is a little age gap so its a little awkward.  Well if you’ve read these before you knoew that I was battleing with what should I doing with me being in the Military and all. Well the last few days have been increasingly rough for me and my emotions and my stress level were really really screwed up. I was anxious all the time and i couldn’t think straight to save my life. Then last night at chow I couldn’t deal with the stress anymore. I sat down to eat but the sight of food just made me sick to my stomach. So i got up and to tell you the truth i was going to go to my room and deal with the stress the only why i knew how. Well one of by buddies saw that i was pretty up set and sat down and talked to me. I was full of anger and rage.  I told him what ive been holding back for so sooo long and well then we went and told my chain of command. I have a appointment today with a mental heath speacialist and my NCO support channel is going down there with me (my Bosses for you civilian Folk). im really nervous about whats going to happen to me and my carrer and i cant stop thinking if this was the right thing to do or not. the have me on suicide watch now and i have to sleep with someone in the room. To be honest i feel a little naked with out my weapons but i feel somewhat relieved that i dont have to hide any more.

O and i konw that the military isn’t really good with this type of thing they will just think that i want to end my life, which I dont so if anyone out there knows any resources that i could give them please let me know

thanks