OK.  Last time I posted I was totally bent on harm, which I feel ashamed of now, but I also now see that I was reacting because I was very scared.  After not having done anything bad for about 6 weeks I had done something a bit worse then my normal bad.  I feel totally distressed.  I guess it’s a step in the right direction to feel that distress as distress instead of thinking that I just want to self-destruct.  I don’t want to destruct and I haven’t done anything bad or not-so-bad since.  Still, I can’t stand to look at it.  It happened Saturday night and, with the (true) excuse of a cold, I’ve barely been out of bed since.  I feel destroyed and I’m not sure which symptoms are from the cold and which are from the injury and which are from the depression I seem to have quickly slipped into.  I hate this.  I want this to be the last time ever.  I look forward to attending to the emotions directly.  It’s been so hard to keep this to myself.  I’m so grateful to be able to “talk” here.  I think I would feel better if I could cry but I can’t.