OK. Last time I posted I was totally bent on harm, which I feel ashamed of now, but I also now see that I was reacting because I was very scared. After not having done anything bad for about 6 weeks I had done something a bit worse then my normal bad. I feel totally distressed. I guess it’s a step in the right direction to feel that distress as distress instead of thinking that I just want to self-destruct. I don’t want to destruct and I haven’t done anything bad or not-so-bad since. Still, I can’t stand to look at it. It happened Saturday night and, with the (true) excuse of a cold, I’ve barely been out of bed since. I feel destroyed and I’m not sure which symptoms are from the cold and which are from the injury and which are from the depression I seem to have quickly slipped into. I hate this. I want this to be the last time ever. I look forward to attending to the emotions directly. It’s been so hard to keep this to myself. I’m so grateful to be able to “talk” here. I think I would feel better if I could cry but I can’t.