i dont know why i even decided to register for this site. maybe it makes me feel better? maybe it feels like someone will understand what im saying. i dont know.  i didnt do anything for almost 5 weeks. but i couldnt help it. it wasnt alot. just a little. no one has to know. but i hate it when i do this. i dont want it to run my life like it does.  no one i know understands the control it has over me.  if i crave it enough, if i let something get to me, it has to happen. it makes me feel dumb and i know its wrong. why is it wrong? i never understood it. why does it have to be so wrong that you have to stop? i know all the answers to my own questions. i just dont know why i even want it anymore! theres nothing wrong in my life right now that would make me want to s.i. do i need help? i dunno.