i don’t really know why i’m writing this post, i just am.
as of today i am fifty- four days SI free. i’m really proud of myself because i’ve almost caved twice in the past week. i seem to let my emotions rain down over me and i get lost in the flood. somehow, though, i manage to swim free.
actually, not completely free. i find myself constantly doing things unconciously and it’s freaking me out. cracking my knuckles, things like that. i think SI will forever live in me. even though that may be true, i think it’s just a reminder of what i’ve been through and how strong i’ve been. i know i’m strong enough because i want to be strong more than anything.
maybe when i hit the two month mark i will finally tell someone. just so they know and can learn from my mistakes. and as much as this drives me crazy, i wish i could talk to him one more time. i just want him to know that he has destroyed part of me, but i have built that part back up. i want him to know that he has twisted the word love for me, but at least i know what love isn’t. i want him to know that he is dead to me, and even though he has scarred my mind forever, i’m a different, stronger person. i want to thank him for putting me through the agony even if he didn’t know it because i have climbed a mountain and can handle myself well.
and i would like to thank God for answering my prayers. sometimes i forget Him, but i know he’s always watching me and helping me back up when i fall.
to everyone still struggling and wanting to stop, believe in yourself. if you don’t, no one will. it is possible to stop. don’t give up on love.
I’m 50 days today! 🙂
I’m really proud of you and you cassandra too! You guys are an inspiration to me. Just knowing that it is possible to stop. Thanks so much for that. So far for me its…3 days. haha, hopefuly I can get as far as you guys. And thanks for that encouargement.