I started to SI when I was in 7th grade, I am now a sophomore in college. Between 7th and 9th grade, I would only SI every once in a while, and never injure enough to leave lasting scars. I just did it so i felt just enough pain to KNOW that I was alive. In 9th grade a senior, who I knew, got in a car crash on january 14th, and was in a coma. She was pulled off of life support on the 16th, because there was a very small chance of her coming out of it and an even smaller chance that she would be “fully back.” About a month later this guy in the grade above me committed suicide. I went to his viewing and saw his mother, and every time I think about killing myself I could her horribly, heartwrenching screaming and crying, and I just couldn’t put anyone that I love in my life through that. I stopped injuring that febuary. On April second in my junior year of highschool, my cousin ended his life. It hit me harder than I thought it would, I hardly knew who he was that last few years of his life. (long messed up story). I started drinking and I started injuring….again.    That was followed by someone else doing the same thing.   And then this fall semester of college, i had a miscarrage. i didn’t even know i was pregnant. I always use protection and I’m on birth control. I didn’t now until I had the miscarrage, that I was pregnant.

For the most part, 99% of the time, I am the “strong one”. The person who feels like i need to help everyone else, and make sure everyone else is okay, and be there to listen if someone needs to talk. I hate talking to others about my problems, i dont want to worry them.

Today I slipped big time. I dont need stiches, but i am concerned because i wasn’t worried or concerned at all, until now. i didn’t think i was gonna go as far as i did.

I’m scared of what my boyfriend is going to think and/or say. It’s been almost 13 months, with him i mean, and he knows i used to SI in the past, but never saw them, unless they were already scars. I dont know how he’s gonna react.

I started writing this post to ask for an opinion, but i don’t remember what it was going to ask, so if anyone has a response to this or anything please comment.