today was just so stressful, like it just seemed like the whole world was weighing down on me and there was nothing i could do. i don’t know why. sometimes i sit in class and i just feel like hurting myself. and sometimes i just feel like ending myself. i don’t know what is going on with me anymore, i used to be under control. i used to have control. i think that control is gone now.

plus that and i  was up half the night. i need to lose weight, i really do.  And I don’t do it in a healthy way so that leads me further down my road of self destruction. but, being that its me, i couldn’t even do that right. yup, couldn’t do it.  so then i felt like crap all night and i couldn’t sleep. sometimes, i’m afraid that i’ll try to end myself, and it won’t work. that i’ll fail at that too because i am just that much of a failure. i don’t even know anymore