I’m really ticked off right now because a friend of mine was saying “just don’t do it”, when she knows I’m under so much pressure that I’m on the verge of shattering into a million, plus one, pieces! She thinks she can just tell me not to do it, then I won’t do it, and that will be the end of the story. I’m not a little kid who has stuck her hand in a cookie jar without permission – it isn’t that simple and I find it hurtful when people believe that self-injury all boils down to “disobedience”.
I find it insulting when my friends talk down to me when I tell them I’m urging or having strong emotions. I one of my triggers involves strong emotions of any type. This fact has hurt friendships because people will go out of their way to avoid exposing me to anything where I might experience a strong emotion — or they make light of a serious situation, hoping to snap me out of any possible feelings of wanting to hurt myself. I’m a “deep feeler” PERIOD.
I just wish I could tell my friends the following:
1. You cannot make me hurt myself or keep me safe from myself. You do not have that much power/ control over me. Self-injury is a conscious decision and is mine alone, not yours.
2. What you can do when I’m urging is let me talk. Let me cry and let me say whatever I need to say. Don’t take what I’m saying personally, just take it away from me. Let me talk and I’ll let you listen.
3. Don’t let me scare you. If I sense your fear, I will respond to it. I’m already petrified and overwhelmed and I’m reaching out, feeling myself fall, and I don’t need to sense your fear right now. Let me sense your love, your concern, and your stablity. If you can’t do this, then back away and ask me to step away.
4. Talking about self-injury with you is a privaledge, not a right, so don’t ever approach any conversation with me on self-injury with your own intentions. I will sense your motives and give you fake responses, just to make you shut-up.
oh my goodness, i’m glad someone feels the same way as me. i was talking to my best friend about me injuring last night and he just wouldn’t stop asking me questions about what i had just done. i hate when people get like that. I completely feel your anger and pain. People just need to realize that sometimes there is no other alternative for us, at least for me i’ve done a lot of things and this works for me when i do. I feel stupid for even telling people about it sometimes but when i keep it bottled in i feel even worse.
I love your four items. Thank you so much for them. Each one is exactly true and I couldn’t have articulated them for myself. I find #3 especially important for me, and especially difficult for people I’ve encountered. If most professionals don’t seem able to give me some stability to hang onto how could I expect that of a friend? But talking is useless without #3 because if I’m to the point where I want to talk then I’m scared and I don’t need anyone else’s fear to add to the difficulty.
And, Jaybird, I understand what you’re saying too. I HATE IT when people ask for details. I’m never able to even provide any – just a freaked out “na-na-na-na” that means NO, BACK OFF.
I can really relate to your four statements. I especially relate to #1, since for me it *is* a conscious decision *I* arrive at, not because of one person/situation, but a culmination of being overwhelmed from a variety of things. Thank you for articulating so well, it really helps to know that other people feel this way. I’m always so afraid of being labeled or judged, being lumped into a category of something I’m not because of misconceptions about SI.
thats quite possibly the most eloquent thing abuot si ive ever read. props to you chica. i hate when people think its their fault i sied. like once i ended up in the hospital after a fight with a guy but it wasnt that, it was soooo much stuff. and also, people say please stop for me and id love to, but i cant. its not like i dont love them i just cant! and you jsut hit everyinth we need right on the head. if they ever do some sort of SI aweareness thing, then they shoudl use though to explain how to handle it to people who dont get it.