i swear. this addiction is worse than drugs. i can’t even use a utensil on my dinner without thinking about injuring…these thoughts are always there, even when im smiling. i feel terrible though because, twice before, me and my boyfriend talked about it. the first time he said he didnt want me to do it again. the second time…me and him were sitting on our beds crying at midnight. i know it hurts him and he begged me not to do it again. i kept saying “i’ll try” but he just kept crying and begging me not to, that it killed him to hear that i did that to myself, that i didnt talk to him about it first. i promised him i wouldnt but ever since i stopped, the thoughts just got worse and worse. instead of injuring myself with a tool, i would hurt myself in other ways…its terrible and i didnt tell my boyfriend about what i do because i dont want to hurt him anymore. we were talking recently about how hard it was for me to restrain myself and he told me that if i slipped up he wouldnt break up with me. im not really sure how i feel about that. the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that it hurts him. if i know that he would still love me and keep me…im scared that ill be more prone to hurt myself…i need more confidence because i NEED to stop…for him.