I hate feeling this way. or not feeling that is. I have a hard time identifying my emotions to begin with but then sometimes its like there are none. like I try to figure out what I’m feeling but its nothing but tired, and more nothing.  I sort of feel empty, I don’t know.

on a side note I haven’t SI’d in a while, mainly because of my guy friend online. I listen to him for some reason and I guess it helps that I can call him or talk to him whenever I’m crashing, although most times I would rather SI and get it over with than sit on the phone for over 2 hours until he can get me out of it. guess a major reason is because of the guilt, I can’t lie to him.  I’m hoping this helps for a while, sort of scared for when it stops working.

hmm anyway, gonna force myself to bed so I dont have to be awake while feeling like this.