so, i did it again. so much for trying to be good. and i’m trying to get in touch with my one friend who always just listens, he doesn’t try to give advice for what he doesn’t know, but he’s not answering but there’s so much i need to say. i think i wrote this last time but i showed my friend my scars the other day and now she wants me to talk to someone, because she says i’m in too deep and i’m being hypocritical and i don’t know.

i’m just so confused and i don’t know what i want to do anymore and i don’t know what i am and i just want to figure it out because i don’t think i can deal with this anymore and i just  don’t know

and the worse thing is that i am being hypocritical. i’m trying to help someone and i can’t even help myself, everything i ever dreamed of is slowly falling apart and i ‘m just not sure how much more of it i can take because i don’t want this

i’m losing my will to live, the promises i made…. its just, i don’t eeven caree. and honestly, i think that should scare me. but it doesn’t