I graduated from the SAFE Alternatives program in November 2008. I successfully survived a very stressful and difficult holiday season… AND THEN…after I felt like I could breathe again after holding my breath through the holidays I gave in to SI. I ended up needing medical attention for my SI; thank God I have a very kind and understanding physician who doesn’t hospitalize me for SIing. He told me that in spite of my mess up, he still saw much progress; he wanted to just fix my injury and encourage me to move forward. He’s AWESOME!!!
I was really down on myself for messing up and SIing. Then, my sister/roommate and I got in a HUGE fight (she’s no longer my roommate) and I impulsively attempted to give up totally. While in ICU, one of the nurses noticed my injury and saw something suspicious. The next day she informed my ICU doctor of what she saw and told him she thought it needed medical attention. They looked up my medical records and saw that I have a history of SI. They then called my doctor’s office (the one who I go to with SI) to see if he rounded at the hospital where I was. His office said “no.” So, they called in a consult from another physician. Then, my nurse informed me that she had told my ICU doctor what she saw and that they called in for a consult. I was SO ANGRY at my nurse for saying something and was absolutely dreading having to “fess up” to some strange doctor what I’d done to myself the previous week. Then…a miracle happened! The nurse came back into my room and said that my SI doctor was making an exception and coming by this particular hospital on his lunch break to see me. I was so relieved…and grateful. It turned out that I just needed another round of antibiotics to clear up the problem. I just wish everyone who struggles with SI could have a compassionate, caring, Christian doctor like this one. Trust me, I’ve had my share of horrendous experiences with nasty ER doctors. After spending 5 horrendous days in ICU and 7 more in a behavioral med unit, I was able to come home last night.
Although I had a severe step back, I have returned to all the valuable information/tools I gained at SAFE. The two weeks prior to my SI and attempt, I had totally abandoned all my positive tools. PLEASE don’t stop using your tools during the worst times! If I’d taken the time to use my SI and negative thinking logs, I probably could have averted the life-threatening situation into which I’d gotten myself.