Well I’ve been having a hard time lately. I went and saw my therapist and recently gave her 5 pgs about my childhood so that she could get to know me better. Last week i was fine talking about that stuff but this week i wasnt able to handle it. she talked about some of it and then i told her to stop. the damage was already done. i didnt talk and just wanted to cx the rest of my appts. i tried to deal with my emotions on my own. i just found myself becoming more angry. a few hours passed since the appt and i found myself becoming anxious. I wanted to feel happy and just release some of these feelings. so i SI’ed. i drove myself to the ER because i needed some medical attention. the doctor was totally rude. she got up in my face and started telling me that SI was my own business and if i did that its fine but she asked me why i was there!. i didnt know why she was doing this…she was obviously uneducated about SI and didnt even bother to ask me why i did it or what was wrong. so i just got up and left. im so mad. i felt horrible. i called my therapist and talked her. i was at the point of just giving up on everything. she tried to help but then she made comments that she wanted to give up on me. she said i need more help than she can offer. she said she wasnt giving up but it sure sounds like it. so that just made me more introverted and i told her i didnt want to go to my appt on wed (today) i cx it. i do have another on friday but now i feel really stupid that i dont want to go. im worried about what she is thinking of me and if she even really wants to help me out. i know i should of gone to my appt today and i feel guilty for not goin. i just dont want her to think negativly of me…thats what im worried about and why im nervous about goin to my appt on friday.
Megan First of i am so sorry that, that doctor was so rude and heartless to you. That is so unexcuseable. I don’t think your therapist is giving up on you. I truely don’t i think that maybe she is just overwhelmed and trying to find the best solution for you. I am glad that you at least knew that your SI shuld be treated and drove to a hospital even if that doctor was wrong. And I am gald that you still think that maybe therapy is a good idea. Go to your appt. Friday. And i think you are nervous about going Friday because you don’t want to face the damage that was done last time, but maybe tell her this time that you want to go slower through things so you are able to tell her you can’t handle something before it gets too late. I don’t think that she will be dissappointed in you. If i was her i would be glad that you called ot talk to me instead of just leaving the hospital upset. Megan my email is dashdollie10@yahoo.com email me any time if you just need to talk and feel like you can’t talk to anyone else. i will be there to listen. This journey does not have to be taken alone.
~Melody