I have just started the habit of S.I. on my arms. I don’t do it because I get too sad, I do it because things get so overwhelmingly stressful in my mind that i need some way to release my frustrations. I often don’t feel pain when I am doing it as the emotional anxiety and worry superceed all physical pain at that point. I get so flumuxed when I have to make decisions that my brain shuts off and refuses to make a choice. I constantly make up lies about my arms to the point where I openly show them and am not concerned about what other poeple think. I have become extremely introverted and I don’t really know what interests me anymore in my life. I am a junior at Notre Dame and I haven’t learned anything the last 2 1/2 years but have gotten straight A’s. I feel like a fake a phoney and a fraud. The worst part is that I have so much support from all of my family and friends but I don’t appreciate it. I have so many resources at my hands but I am not using any of them. All that I know how to do is lie because I don’t know who I am. I don’t respect anything any more. I have lost touch with God, my empathy for suffering humans, my concern for my parents, my concern for really anything except pressing forward in school. Even that I am not seeing a point in. All that my drive is now is to make sure I have some kind of job. but I know that won’t make me happy. I am flumuxed ( silly word indeed).