I have just started the habit of S.I. on my arms. I don’t do it because I get too sad, I do it because things get so overwhelmingly stressful in my mind that i need some way to release my frustrations. I often don’t feel pain when I am doing it as the emotional anxiety and worry superceed all physical pain at that point. I get so flumuxed when I have to make decisions that my brain shuts off and refuses to make a choice. I constantly make up lies about my arms to the point where I openly show them and am not concerned about what other poeple think. I have become extremely introverted and I don’t really know what interests me anymore in my life. I am a junior at Notre Dame and I haven’t learned anything the last 2 1/2 years but have gotten straight A’s. I feel like a fake a phoney and a fraud. The worst part is that I have so much support from all of my family and friends but I don’t appreciate it. I have so many resources at my hands but I am not using any of them. All that I know how to do is lie because I don’t know who I am. I don’t respect anything any more. I have lost touch with God, my empathy for suffering humans, my concern for my parents, my concern for really anything except pressing forward in school. Even that I am not seeing a point in. All that my drive is now is to make sure I have some kind of job. but I know that won’t make me happy. I am flumuxed ( silly word indeed).
hey keepitsilly, i really appreciate your post. i know that everyone’s problems are unique to them, so i can’t say i know exactly how you feel, but i can definately relate. i went through a period a while back where i got all stressed over work and i really lost who i was, and it was during this period that i began to self-injure. i was able to find help though, and i certainly hope you will too. it may not be easy- goodness knows it involves a lot of effort and willingness to get better on your behalf- but things CAN change if you want them too, and in the mean time, just hang in there. everything’s gonna be alright.
That is so weird. That is exactly me and what I’m going through too. Don’t forget you’re not alone. <33