so i’ve gone about a month + one week without SIing, and i’m proud of myself, i really am. but i already feel like i’ve been doing this forever, but at the same time, i feel so new to it all.

 me and my boyfriend rescently broke up after just a mess of a realtionship, but we both still have really strong feelings for each other. we just decided that a break would benefit us both, and i really do agree with him, i’m not just saying that. but here’s the complication: i’ve been so afraid that when we broke up, i’d start SIing again, because he was my main motivation not to. i always pictured myself just going crazy as soon as i could. but i didn’t, and i don’t plan on it. i decided that not SIing will benefit me and my ex when we decide to get back otgether, and it will maybe quicken the process. but i’ve also been feeling really alone and down lately, and this started before we broke up. i keep getting mental images of me giving up.  i usually don’t ever have thoughts like this, but that same thought has been tormenting me for about 2 and a half weeks now. i don’t know what to do. i’m scaring myself. but at leasts i’m not SIing i gues..