I would like to first say hello to everyone.
Im pretty new to this site and im really looking for support.
I’ve been a self mutilator for three or four years now and I had actually thought for a moment that i might have recovered but here I am again falling back into this vicious cycle. I would love to say I really knew where this all started. Maybe it was from daddy leaving when I was reallly young or maybe it was momsubdueing herself with pain pills or maybe it was all genetics, who knows. Im pretty sure its say to say im a bit misunderstood by those around me but we all are a little bit misunderstood sometimes.
I guess looking for a safe alternative is really the first ounce of control ive taken in my life in awhile. I mean if its not self injuring i know theres a slew of other ways to harm and Im pretty positive ive done them all. Im not too sure what I want out of life anymore if its control or an escape from the madness i am engulfed in. I just wish that I could find one person other than my shrink who understands me and actually cares about what I may have to say so please anyone feel free to try to contact me. I would love some support.
hi. I can honestly say that i relate to a majority of what you have shared. Although i cannot fully know what you are going through, i, myself have been living in disfunction probably my entire life. So i definitely sympathize with being caught in the midst of madness. I had self-injured for something like 10 years (inconsistently), before I attended S.A.F.E. Alternatives this past summer, in late May-June. Quite like yourself, it was the first time i knew i genuinely needed to do something, anything, to help myself. I knew what i had been doing for so many years was not right, but i didnt know how to control my impulses. SAFE taught me not only impulse control, but discover what was triggering my impulses. I can’t even express how helpful this was and still is for me. I won’t lie, i still struggle with my temptation to injury and fall back to my old instincts of blocking out my pain. But some how, i always think of the time i spent at SAFE, and it motivates me to keep my promise of staying safe. Actually, it was just the other day that i acknowledged how long it has been since i have injured. I relapsed once or twice after treatment, but July 13, 2008 was the last time. I really can’t believe it because i never allow myslef any credit.
You should know that i really feel you, and what you are struggling with. I’m there too. In fact, SAFE enlightened me on how there are many people just like us, in our positions and you’re not alone in this. Short of attending the program, (which i completely recommend) there are several things I can suggest that have helped me if you are interested. One of them being, to purchase the Bodily Harm book, because it includes most of the tools i learned at SAFE. and believe me, all of the logs really do help!! I feel guilty i have not been keeping up with those, or just not helping myself in general these days… but that would be a really helpful start. and you can always talk to me about anything you want to 🙂 i hope this will find you feeling a little better about things!
Ashleigh
Hey, I’m new too. Welcome! I completely know how you feel when you say you wish you could find one person who understands you and cares, I feel that way too. It’s really great that you’re here, it’s a big step to try and reach out. I hope things start to get better for you.
If you ever want to talk, or just vent or anything, feel free to email me: bubblyballet01@yahoo.com. 🙂