I went to SAFE in March/April 2008. I did well for quite some time, then headed back down the path to being in and out of the psychiatric hospital. I have taken what i learned from SAFE and used it quite frequently, however I still find myself in the tornado of emotions and self injury. Though, I DO have to say, since the SAFE program my attitude and the amount to which and degree to which I SI have changed. I and no longer SI’ing anywhere near what i was before I went to the program. And for that i am greatful. I cannot discount that positive. I cannot discount all the times which I have had the urge and not given in. I still struggle with mental illness, and the SI is just a mere symptom of that. It is not easy for me to give up completely, and I don’t know what about it I am holding on to.
This past couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I deal with thoughts of giving up quite frequently. To the point my dr. says those thoughts to some degree are a base line for me. I hate doctors some times. But anyways, I was seriously considering this when for some reason I went and woke up my dad. We went straight to the hospital where I was committed and stayed from Dec. 30- Jan 10. Missing my first week of my new trimester at school. So now I have missed a week of school, and I am trying to play catch up and keep up with all that is going on all at the same time trying not to SI or give into my thoughts and urges.
I know I learned A lot at SAFE, I did, so why is it so hard for me now to apply it? I fill our logs, but often find myself filling them out and getting so caught up in what I am writing that more impulses and thoughts come from doing the log. Im tired. Im frustrated, and I dont know what to do.
Anyone else experience these same thoughts or feelings.?