i hadn’t si’d in a few days, i was so proud of myself. and then today in school, it just sucked, it was just one of those if it can go wrong it will go wrong, and if anything can hurt you it will, and  all i could think was “i wanna get home so i can do it.” and i fidgeting all day, just itching to get home. the walk home from my bus was freezing, and by the time i got to my house i was cold and crying, but i told my brother my eyes were tearing from the cold. then i went upstairs and si’d. and i was okay for a few hours. but just now i suddenly felt depressed and sad and worthless again and did it again. and i did it bad. so now im sitting here, trying to decide what to do with myself, because if i don’t find something soon, i’m gonna do it again.  and my mom just came in and made some comment, and it probably wasn’t meant to be nasty, but thats how it came out and now i’m all upset again, and i really just want all these feelings to end, i don’t think i’m strong enough to deal with them. and i’m the person who everyone alwasy comes to when they have a problem, cause you know there’s nothing wrong in my life…. but then when i can’t help them i feell bad but i can’t handle my problems and everyone else’s and i know that’s selfish but i really can’t, i can barely handle my problems. and i wish it felt like there was someone there for me, but i really don’t think there is, because no one really understands what i’m feeling right now, hell i don’t even understand what i’m feeling right now.