today was not the greatest. firstly, i felt hated all day. i’m trying to love myself, but i’m having a hard time just because i SI. it makes me feel like such a bad person. to add to that we were talking about sinning in religion class today. i felt unbelievably guilty.

then, when i came home my parents started yelling at me for calling someone i don’t know at 1:30 in the morning. apparently their mom works with my mom and she complained to her. i did not do this and i’m really freaked out because that must mean the someone is pretending to be me. i think it may be someone who graduated last year, but hates me for no apparent reason.

and to top it all off, i went to a basketball game and saw him. i’m not going to go into details, but i haven’t seen him for eight months, which happens to also be how long i’ve been SIing. yeah, yeah it’s the typical story. you can figure it out. but the worst part is he has no idea how much destruction he’s caused. i could barely keep myself together, but managed to so my dad wouldn’t notice anything. i probably won’t see him for a very long time, but all the memories have rushed back.

now i’m almost back to square one. no more SI, but overwhelming emotions.

i do have to admit that writing here does help just because at least someone knows. on monday, i think i’m going to have to tell the only teacher i trust. i know she will care and try her hardest to help me. even though i’m not currently SIing, relapse is very possible.

and thanks to everyone who has offered their help. i do feel that you care, and it helps me.  thanks once again.