i don’t know what to do. i si, not bad, but i can’t seem to stop. my best friend knows, and so does my mum. my mum thinks ive stopped and im better, happy, but im not. my friend knows i havent been able to stop. at first she tryed to help, and i stopped for a while, but it all started again. and shes given up on trying to help me, she said that obviously what i do is out of her hands now but she said i need help. i feel like ive let her down, and she doesnt really like to talk about me siing. it has always been a touchy subject for us. the first time i did it. i didnt intend to tell her cause a few days after she said her mum, who has had depression for 10 years, was drunk and ended up injuring herself. and this was on the same night i did. my friend was upset about her mum, and i felt so ashamed. i eventually told her. and it stopped for a while, and then started again. she was so angry and upset. she told her mum and her sister that i si. and her mum tried to help me, but now im getting no help. i think if i went to my friends place her mum would ask about it, and i know she doesnt know about my recent si’s. but my friend has never invited me over since. ive let so many people down. i dont know who to tell, who can actually help me. im losing my best friend over this. and i would never be able to cope with it cause i have experienced a time when we werent friends. it was the lowest i have been. i want to get better, need to get better. i keep thinking i shouldnt post this. ive never done this before. i don’t know if it will help or not. but im scared of what i will do.