ick. i’ve been working really hard lately and i don’t know if it’s paying in the end. it’s been thirty whole days since my last SI. it may seem good, but so many things are threatening to break me. in four days it will have been one year since my grandpa passed away, which has affected my whole family. the stress of school and trying to not be a failure is increasing. painful memories are haunting me more and more everyday. plus, it seems that everyone is talking about “emos” and SI. there was even an article about it in my newspaper yesterday. i feel ready to explode!

i need to find a new way of coping. ha! that should be fun. any suggestions? i may have to face my fears and talk to someone. someone who can help. this is so hard for me. i have no idea what to do. everytime i want to tell someone i can’t because it’s a bad time. my parents already worry about enough. i don’t want to lose my friends. and the one teacher i can actually trust is trying to help her very sick mother. i need something!

music no longer lets me release what it did before i started SIing. writing became too much of a remembrance a while ago. the same with drawing. i feel like i need to SI just so i don’t. that makes no sense, but yet is very simple. fighting back is getting too exhausting. please please offer anything you have to say. any support is greatly greatly appreciated.

thanks in advance!