I am so freaking angry!  I clearly have a hard time putting 2 and 2 together…

As usual it’s the crack of dawn and I can’t sleep.  So here I was a couple of minutes ago, being pissed of about things I can do nothing about.  I didn’t realize what I had done until it was done.  I was looking for people willing to help me with self-injury and was somehow lurred into eating disorder websites.  Now, since I can’t seem to get the help I want and desperately need for S.I. the thought of developing an eating disorder is heavy on my mind.  I mean hey, anything I can do to screw up my life, right?!  I just want to scream, because I know these thoughts and urges are irrational but they won’t go away.  I replace one self destructive habit with another.  Way to go me!!!  I don’t know anymore.  I wish there was a fork in this road to nowhere.