so maybe i didn’t have enough hope

and now i’m writing just to keep myself busy so i don’t si. because you know i can’t do anything right, i’m just a failure at life, that’s basically what they’re telling me. and the music helps, but its too late and i can’t belt. so now i’m writing just for lack of a better option. will the madness ever end or will i be plagued with this for the rest of my life. which may be short if i have anything to do. i was talking to my friend before, i told her the only thing thats stopping me from ending myself is them. and i shake as i think how close i am, and i wanna do it so bad but i won’t because i don’t wanna disappoint them, again. i cannot even keep up with myself and here i am shaking.

holding on to whatever i can to keep myself grounded. so i don’t float too far