so maybe i didn’t have enough hope
and now i’m writing just to keep myself busy so i don’t si. because you know i can’t do anything right, i’m just a failure at life, that’s basically what they’re telling me. and the music helps, but its too late and i can’t belt. so now i’m writing just for lack of a better option. will the madness ever end or will i be plagued with this for the rest of my life. which may be short if i have anything to do. i was talking to my friend before, i told her the only thing thats stopping me from ending myself is them. and i shake as i think how close i am, and i wanna do it so bad but i won’t because i don’t wanna disappoint them, again. i cannot even keep up with myself and here i am shaking.
holding on to whatever i can to keep myself grounded. so i don’t float too far
The fading shades of every hue
Created, slated paints of rue
Erasing all the tints but blue
Gone the joy of colors
Floating is hard when you’ve got weights strapped to your ankles. I know, because depression is blue. A big blue. Don’t think of them; think of you. When I was in your situation I cried so many times… wrapped myself in blankets and rocked myself in a corner because no one else would… but it’s okay. Take a deep breath (or seven thousand) and let go of your pain. When you’ve got no baggage THEN you can think about whether or not you’d like to live or die… because being stuck underwater is like an in-between. How can you make a spectacular journey like that when you’re carrying the world?
When i read this all i could think about is how similar i feel. I feel as if i am all alone and nobody is here to hold me. I found that taking a heating pad and holding it to yourself helps. It gives you the illisusion that you are not alone and that somone is there to hold you. I will hold it to me and just cry for hours. I feel so empty, even with the help of my boyfriend i still do. I know i would not like it to be over for good, just sieze to exsist for really long time? I need pain to live, but i cant always have that.
Trust me when I say its not worth it. I’ve felt the same way. It scary, and hard to let go of, but please dont enmd it. Your not alone, and your not worthless. I find peace in music too, and art. It helps sometimes, but I always go back to siing. I feel depressed, and worthless, and sometimes I want to end it too, but I stop and think: Why? What am I running from? Sure life sucks, but I’m not running away, I’m not takeing the easy way out. I’m stronger than that, and so are you. Trust me, you are. Even if you dont think so.