It’s been a really long time since I’ve thought about doing anything s.i. related. It’s a little weird, and a little scary, to feel this way again. It seems very strange to me now, since, I’ve been perfectly happy and fine for three days in a row. That might not sound like an accomplishment to some of you but to not be s.i. in to my frequent mood swings, for me, that’s really good. Usually, if I have a mood swing, I can be completely euphoric one second, and want to go bury myself the next. A lot of people have suggested that I’m bipolar, and to be honest I believe it. But I’ve been feeling a lot better. I had this strange internal shift in thinking on New Year’s Eve. Before that day, it was like I lived out my life just to be addicted to something, no matter what it was. Be it my boyfriend, a type of drug, a game, self-injury, etc. Just anything. I could call myself any type of addict, but I don’t feel that way anymore. But for some strange reason, I feel like I need to come back to doing this. It’s been a really long time for me, all my scars have faded, and I feel free of it. But it is massively appealing right now, and I’m not even in a bad mood.
Anyhow, I’m glad I found this.. so that at least, I can get it off my chest and hopefully leave myself alone.