Well last night things got worse than usual. Long story short, both of my parents got mad at me and my sister was arguing. I just went in my room and was texting my friends. But my dad came into my room and just started saying all this stuff and I got soo angry and upset and I SIed. This time..it was worse than usual. =[ I was soo scared. My mom came into my room a few minutes after and was like is there anything in there that I could hurt myself with and I gave her some sharps, but I had already used them before she came…=[ I feel so bad. When I told her, she said I was destroying the family.. I didnt mean to do it..im just so scared to hurt them again. I’m so embarrassed..what am I supposed to feel like? People are saying..maybe I need to be sent away..but I’m not crazy. I’m just not so good with dealing anymore. But I’m going to start to be..i just dont know. i dont want to continue living my life this way..I don’t want to hurt anyone else, and i don’t want to hurt anymore..i just want to be okay. I want to stop being a perfectionist and continue suceeding in what i have done so far, since my family found out about me SI. But sometimes, the thoughts come back..and I just can’t help it. I try so hard. I really do. But I give in..I hate it. I started off doing it so I wouldn’t hurt anyone else that I loved, but then I ended up hurting not only myself..you get me?? It’s unfair for them to live this way. I think about all the good times we have, but sometimes I’m living a lie. I just want to be real and be who I am..but how can I when I don’t want to be this person who looks back at me..and who writes these thoughts. I want to be who I was supposed to be, and who will make her family proud..ughh. im sooo….frustrated. but im trying.