last night was new years eve. I SIed for the first time in 20 days. great way to start off the new year right? i hate myself. alot. i cannot believe i gave in. wow. id been doing so good! and i cant tell anyone, because i told my mom i didnt do it, and im not telling my friends anymore. im so isolated.  i hadnt done something like that in over a month. i just got into such a mess because my friend texted me about how i was avoiding her and stuff, but im only avoiding her because she was so detrimental by telling me i did not want to get better if i didnt take her help. blah. im so not in a good mood. screw new years. i hate everything. i wish i had not given in. today would have been my three week mark, which would have been the longest id gone since august…wow. how do i do that? i hate SI.