There are presents under our Christmas tree for my mom’s boyfriend. This really upsets me. All i want to do right now is SI. I dont know why i let this get to me. Im just so sad right now. All i want is for my parents to get back together. I hate the holidays. I hate my mom’s boyfriend. I hate SI because it makes me feel better and then makes me feel like crap. Im just so angry and sad and all these other emotions that i cant even explain.
I just want to feel better. But some days it seems like i never will. I know that i can stop SI if i really want to, but some days i dont know if i want to. I see how happy my mom is with this man. And the fact that this time around i am being pleasent to him. What she doesnt know is that i am SIing again just so i have enough patience to be pleasent with him. I feel like it is worth it if it makes my mom happy though. Because she deserves to be happy. even if it means im not.