today was awful. i went to the doctor because i had a really sore throat and could barely talk. there was nothing wrong with me so i went back to school. my class was in gym so i just sat around until it was over. then, i think someone’s head hit me square in the face. it hurt and my eyes teared up but i couldn’t help it because i was hit in the nose. i got an icepack, but for some reason i couldn’t stop crying. soon i was breathing funny and couldn’t talk once again. everyone assumed i didn’t feel good or was upset that i was going to miss our school play tonight. that wasn’t the case. i don’t know why i was crying. i just did. and of course i had to breakdown in front of everyone. i just wanted to crawl in a hole. i haven’t really let myself cry in a very long time so maybe it all just came out.but i don’t know why.

i had my mom pick me up and i felt bad because she had to leave work for the second time because of me so that made me cry even more. she brought me home  and i’ve slept for at least 2 hours. i just woke up and feel like crap. i still don’t know why.

at least i haven’t SIed. i was so close, but i stopped myself. some unknown trigger pushed me to the edge, but i fought back. that should make me happy, but i’m still very sad, and embarrasessed, and angry and i don’t know what to do.

i feel awful because whenever anyone asks what’s wrong i can’t tell them. i feel bad because my friends tried to help but there was nothing to do. they probably think i’m a lunatic now. i do feel guilty because i don’t think i can stand to go to the play tonight.

anyone have any idea why i may have had this unusual breakdown? i feel so lost.