i was clean for so long. so long. i did it for the love of my life, not for me. im relapsing into a twisted realm of fading thoughts and irrational messages. i dont know what to do. im not sure what im doing or how to continue. I dont know how to tell someone or face it on my own, i dont know the right thing to do, when everyone has been telling me im wrong. i dont know what to do. and in the meantime, it hurts.