so in school today we had a presentation about Rachel’s Challenge, which is like a set of goals out together by a girl named Rachel who was the first victim of the Columbine massacre in 1999. and as i was listening to her story and her goals, it inspired me. i realized that i can stop SIing, and i will. i’m feeling much better about it too, before recently i didn’t really try my hardest not to SI, but a few days ago i was really tempted, so i ran around my house, found some paint, and i just finger painted all the emotions out of me. it ended up just a big jumble of browns and mixed colors, but it helped, and that was the first time i had actually gone out of my way to not SI. so one of the goals of Rachels Challenge is to set goals for yourself and right them down somewhere to make them official, so i’m going to write the few that i’ve thought of down here.

1. i’m going to stop SIing. i know i can do it, and however long it may take, i’m going to get through this.

and…

2. i’m going to make more of a conscious effort to reach out to my friends, boyfriend, or even my mom or sister when i want to SI. i have a hard time reaching out, but i’m working on it.

i feel like i can really, actually do this. i’ve never felt so motivated. i don’t know what changed, but i like the way i’m feeling. i’ll post my progress on here when i can, and hopefully i’ll make progress soon!