I ache inside, still struggling wanting to si not sure what to do or where to turn.  life feels out of control and there is no where to turn.  hospitals–for me a waste of time, it just borrows time and i face the same old reoccurring problems.  i hate myself today more than i did yesterday and there just seems to be no answers with my partner.   she doesn’t understand the si, i don’t understand her nagging and life is just crazy.  the si’ing has increased i do  it more and more and find less and less release.  i feel certain that i am going mad again.  i feel that we can’t go through another of these terrible times.  what to do????????????