I ache inside, still struggling wanting to si not sure what to do or where to turn. life feels out of control and there is no where to turn. hospitals–for me a waste of time, it just borrows time and i face the same old reoccurring problems. i hate myself today more than i did yesterday and there just seems to be no answers with my partner. she doesn’t understand the si, i don’t understand her nagging and life is just crazy. the si’ing has increased i do it more and more and find less and less release. i feel certain that i am going mad again. i feel that we can’t go through another of these terrible times. what to do????????????