im a recovering injurer. well im not sure if im recovering, but im getting help for it. i started injuring two years ago, but stopped for the first time on my own. now im trapped in its vicious spell again. ive wanted desperately to talk to someone who gets it so my therapist told me about this site. im still not sure of my feelings on this but oh well. i suppose i shall try it.
okay so injuring. i tell myself every day i am not a canvas for my own self destruction. i dont want that for myself, and its hurting all the people i love the most. injuring is your best friend that flips your life inside out, and doesnt stick around to help pick up the pieces. then it comes slinking back in, disguised as your ally, and you return to it, but then it screws you over once more. my friends worry about me and i hate it. i hate wanting to injure. i hate that i dont know how to cope. i dont like to feel things. but sometimes your emotions need to be released. thats where the injuring comes in. some people injure so they feel alive, not me. i dont it to get rid of all my thoughts. writing sometimes kind of does the same thing, so i write. whenever i feel myself drowning in a tidal wave of scary thoughts, i try pouring my heart out onto paper instead. the other thing i do is listen to specific music. i know it sounds weird, but its helps me. sometimes, the music can make me experience that same things without actually hurting myself.