today i went to confessions, thinking that it would be a good idea. now i regret it. i feel awful. i want to s.i. so bad. i’m not quite sure why either. when i told the priest of my actions, he gave me this sort of look that said “oooh, you really shouldn’t be doing that.” then he told me that i should get some help. as if i didn’t already know that! for my penance he told me to talk to someone and get some help. that did it. i got all shaky and was ready to blow. i kept my calm, but was horrified. maybe just hearing someone actually tell me to get help hit me. i feel so guilty because i’m not ready to talk to anyone. and i keep getting this feeling that he’s going to go tell someone, even though i know he can’t.
once again i’m losing it. if you have anything to say, feel free to. i’m open to any suggestions or help of any sort.
thanks to all that read this.
help is always a good option, even if you want it or not. and you don’t nesisarily have to go see a therapist, but telling someone you trust like a parent or good friend is a good idea, just so you’re not alone. having people understand and support you along is a big help. and i can see where having somebody tell you that you need help could hit you hard, it’s quite staggering. and i know the paranoia feeling too, but preists are sworn to not tell anything that is said in confession [as you know] so you just need to keep reminding yourself of that. if you need to talk contact me at dumdiddly311@yahoo.com
ick i can totally relate to that paranoia. i used to not even be able to talk about si, even to my best friends. i couldnt even say the words in other contexts. but you know, if you learn to truly trust someone, you get better at it. it helps and makes oyu feel more okay. i think the first step of recovering is being able to talk about it a little bit.