unlike many people on this site, i’ve never been the “ugly, fat girl that nobody likes” and it kind of makes me feel weird; i’m in a very good place in my life, but i just can’t stop SI. My very good friend who SI has many family roblems, but i don’t. i used to, but my life is stable right now [besides my SI], and i can’t stop wondering why i can’t stop SI if i’m not in a bad place. My boyfriend is trying to help me, and he pleads with me not to SI, but even thinking of him sometimes doesn’t work. I slipped up a few nights ago, and tonight, and i don’t know what to do. One of my friends said i shouldn’t tell my boyfriend; i won’t be seeing him in a place where he could see my SI until next friday. But i’m conflicted; will that make him angry? I would usually tell him just because i thought it was the right thing to do, i never even thought of not telling him. I was doing really good too, i hadn’t SI in a few weeks, and now i feel as if i’m right where i started. I try almost everything to get my mind off SI, to stop myself, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. I want this to end, i hate hurting my boyfriend and friend, but i don’t know how to stop. Nothing seems to work for me.
Many of us don’t fit the steretype of “emo” or “outcast”. Professionals/ working adults deal with it too.
The question you might want to answer here is “What purpose will telling/ confiding/ showing your boyfriend serve?” Why are you telling him? Is it for sympathy or power/ manipulation or fear/ intimidation or attention? Are you going to tell him because you are asking him for support? Why is it any of his business for to him to know you hurt yourself? Telling him could have major ramifications including, but not limited to him dumping you or spreading rumors about you.
Self-injury is a choice. You have to make the conscious choice to not engage in the behaviors. When the thoughts, urges, compulsions come in — make them go away. You have control of your thoughts and actions. You can work through the thoughts and try and identify why you are feeling the way you are feeling too.
Getting support is critical in helping to beat this! Talk about it with those you feel safe around, see a counselor, etc… possibly work on it with your faith (if you are religious). Recovery isn’t a road you have to take alone, even though it can feel lonely sometimes.
i understand your struggle in whether or not to tell your boyfriend. i have a friend like that, hes not exactly my boyfriend but hes my best friend and its complicated..i think you get it. but yeah, he always wants to know when i si, and he checks me on a regular basis. i used to not tell him, but now i usually do because its easier, he worries less, and its kind of nice to have one person you can tell anything to. i must say though, be careful, because a boyfriend is a risky person to place so much trust in. believe me. but i tihnk if it helps you to tell someone who loves you, then do it. but only if his response makes you feel better. i really do recommend seeing someone about this though. it helps. i didnt want to, but im glad i did.
yeah i see a therapist about it, and i think i’ve been having such a hard time lately because i haven’t seen him in a while… and yes my boyfriend checks me regurlarly, and when i tell him on my own it’s a better response to when he has to see them without prior knowlegde… and for the purpose of telling him, he was one of the first people to find out i SI in the frist place, and he’shelped me so much with it and encouraged me to tell my mom and see a therapist, and he always asks how i’m doing, and even when i do SI, he praises me if i’ve lasted a few weeks from the last time. and i know there are certain things certain people do to make the urges go away, but i just can’t find something that helps me. but thank you both for the advice, i very much appreciate it, and i’ll use as much of it as i can.