I really don’t even know what to say but I’ve gotta write something. I feel like I am going backwards fast. After 10 years of SI’ing I am having a hard time understanding how I am supposed to go on without it.  The only thing that has been consistent in mt life. How can I be expected to give that up! I am supposed to be working on my relationship with God and changing my thinking but not supposed to SI while I am doing that. I do want God to take the place of what Self Injury is to me but in the mean time what do I have to get me through till I get to that point? I am guessing that is just something I am going to have to ask my counselor.  Because in the mean time I am going to go crazy. Something else. I am so tired of people calling me fat. Its not like I really am, just slightly overweight and I know it. It does not need to be constantly pointed out.  I used to be anorexic and slightly bulimic. Over the last few months I have been struggling with going back and today was the first time I was consistant with eating issues. I just want my life to end but I hate myself cause I am too chicken to do something about it. SI’ing is the closest I can get.  Without it I have no idea who I am and can not imagine my life without it. I am really just having a hard time with this lately. Even more than usual.