We’ve been discussing some of the recent blog entries here at the office. It seems like there’s a trend of people who really want some help/support, but aren’t sure what to do about that.
Not all people who self injure are the same, but there are some similarities we’ve seen. One thing we’ve seen throughout the years is that many people who self injure are very intelligent and can be perfectionistic. Another thing we’ve seen is that the majority of people who self injure don’t like to ask for help; they have learned not to ask for help somewhere along the way. It takes courage and practice, but asking for what you need has a much better outcome than trying to passively attempt to get help.
An example would be someone who’s in school and wants help and support. One option to attempt to get help would be to injure yourself and hope that someone realizes your need for support and helps you. You may get help, but it may not be what you were hoping for. There could be negative consequences for self injuring – getting in “trouble” of some sort. A better option would be to go to someone you believe is trustworthy and ask for help. It’s a much more direct approach and you have a much better chance of getting the help/support that you are seeking. Asking for help can be hard at first, but we all need help once in a while.
Another quality many who self injure share is that they are great at helping others. While helping others is a positive quality, you can do that so much you forget to pay attention to what you may need. Allow others to help you once in a while. For those of you who are tempted to SI as a way to ask for help – consider practicing asking directly for the help you need. It’s worth it.
Pam L. (Clinical Therapist with S.A.F.E.)
Everytime I’ve ever asked for help I was always told figure it out yourself therefore I never ask. It has become a way of life for me just surviving the only way I know and trusting only one person and that person is me. No matter the situation being sick even having a splinter I was always told why ask when you can fix the problem or handle the situation yourself. These days I know, but don’t want to admit that I need help from my therapist or psychiatrist I don’t want to be a burden and I always feel they could help someone whose worth helping because asking for help admits your an idiot and can’t take care of yourself and that only weak people ask for help. It took years of conditioning like harming myself and having to take that leap of faith to ask for help makes me feel small and it’s like the words don’t come out I may think them, but in the end I wind up being silent and forgetting the whole thing. Then the stress and anxiety gets to be so much that the only way out for me and to let all that rage and anger out is to SI. So I guess I need to do something because I didn’t go through the program for nothing.
Thank you for posting this because it is exactly what I am struggling with right now. It is very hard for me to ask for the support I know I need, which is often as simple as hug. Sometimes I need someone to do something “normal with me” and lately it has been as serious as me needing to *rid of something harmful*.
Where I’m struggling is in HOW do I ask for the support I need without possibly hurting or offending the person I am asking? I am not being taken seriously by the few people who know I struggle. They always believe it can wait for another more convient time or they simply don’t pick up the phone. I have friends who know I hurt myself, but they otherwise don’t want to get involved and I don’t want to compromise the friendship either.
I posted an entry a few entries back about asking for help from school, so I’m assuming mine contributed to the example. First of all, I tried to get help. I was in counseling. But the second I started doing better, they started freezing me out. And since I wasn’t really better, I got worse without them, and I couldn’t tell them I was getting worse, because they wouldn’t see me. Eventually, I ended up speaking to my house prefect (we’re on a house system), and she got me in to see one of the other counselors, who is taking over my case and, unlike the last counselor, can guarantee me a weekly spot (apparently the one I was seeing has gotten a lot of complaints from students about scheduling and other issues, so I’m not alone). So, yeah. That’s where that is.
Today, I spoke with a trusted teacher of mine once again, and we’ve decided to tell my parents together about my SI sometime next week.
I’m suuuper scared, and occasionally wish I had never told him, but since it’s suddenly become very well known around school (I can’t freakin’ trust anyone these days!), we figured it’s best to tell them before they find out on their own.
My teacher is becoming a counselor, and is going to refer me and my family to some professionals…I just wish it didn’t have to happen like a week before Christmas. =[
Oh well, wish me luck! By the way, I’m 13.