I haven’t been to therapy in over a month. I was seeing someone at school, but she sucks at scheduling, so she kept failing to schedule me, even when I wanted to see her. I’m in the process of switching counselors, but even there, I haven’t heard back yet. It’s really frustrating, because I know how important therapy is for me, and I want to be there, and to get help, and I can’t. I haven’t been handling it too well, honestly. I’ve been very passive aggressive about it. I haven’t hurt myself in seven months (a week before going to SAFE), but I skipped five of the same class in a row, hoping that the professor would send out an academic performance report, which would be CCed to counseling services. Since that hasn’t happened, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll have to do something drastic to keep from falling through the cracks.
It’s so stupid. I learned all of this stuff at SAFE about how to ask for help in a productive and healthy matter, and how to take control of my life, and I’m just throwing it away, thinking about how I need to hurt myself to get anyone’s attention and make them realize that I don’t have everything under control. But what kind of help am I looking for? Whatever happens, I’m going to have to be the one to do the work. So what’s the point of trying to beg for help from people who can’t really give me any more than I can give myself at this point?