and now i just keep going down hill. i had gone for almost a month. it was my longest hiatus yet. it may not seem like much, but i was so happy. then i caved. it came out of no where. looking back, i can’t even think of any trigger. then i realized that even if i wasn’t directly SIing, i was hurting myself in other ways. i overexercised a bit, ate too little, got little sleep, thought of painful memories, even took too many pain relievers at a time. i was barely even conscious of doing these things.

i need to get help, but i just can’t seem to work up the courage. no one suspects that anything’s wrong. i cover it up too well.i’ve become to good at living a lie. i am ruining my faith in myself.