Today I have had some challenges, the geek squad came to help me with my computer but I had lost the back files, it made me so sick that I thought I was going to die.  As the moments past my heart was racing and I was going crazy inside I thought I was going to loose it right there in front of my mother (who I am now living with)  I asked to whomever is above me to help me not blow it.   So I felt the meds and that simple impulse log saved me today.  I find that when I start to loose it I it scares me inside, I don’t how react (now that I with my mom since the death of my dad).  Everyone says I’m better but if they really knew what was inside they wouldn’t have made that judgement.  I don’t want to blow it anymore but darn it, it was got a hold on me.  When will these impulses go away, I wanting that save place I can call my saftey net.  I imagine it hard for all of us, to just be “me for today”.