It has been a while since I posted and I just want to tell everyone hello.  I have been home from SAFE since the end of August and I am really missing my “safe sisters” and the staff.  I am logging again which seems to be helping.  I read my snaps last night and organized them into a binder.  I also organized all the information and papers I got while there and read through them again.  I really don’t want to lose all that I gained while I was there.   I was starting to resent the program for a while because I was so comfortable there with my peers and could share openly without feeling judged.  I was really feeling the opposite for a long time after returning home so I was resentful because I felt “cut off” from the program after being home for a while.  Does that make sense?  At first I was on a huge “high” when I got back because I felt like everything would change at home and in relationships just because I went to SAFE. But I realized quickly that wasn’t true and found that there are a lot of challenges still in my path.  A LOT! But I am trying to “challenge the negative thinking” and put things in perspective as best I can. The relationships I still have from SAFE are a real blessing and setting boundaries in those relationships respectfully has been a useful tool in others.  I am at a jumping off point in therapy and I don’t even want to look down, but I know I have to.  I meet a psychologist on Monday and decide if I want to switch to her or stay with my current therapist of 4 years. I need to evaluate why I am uncomfortable in therapy.  Is it all me or is it just that the compatibility is not right? SI thoughts are high and so are the suicidal ones so that is why I need to really try my hardest to get back on track.  Well, I do anyway! I don’t want any more relapses! I can do this! I am realizing that my family is not going to change just because I do and because I want them to.  It may hurt, but I am trying my hardest not to take it too personally. I still have a long way to go with that. Anyway, there are a lot of things spinning around in my head and I guess I just needed to write them out.  I am going through a long mania and I need to also channel the energy into creativity, school work, and LOGGING instead of getting irritated with myself and everyone else. Lauren, I really wish you would put your “happy dance” on youtube! Thanks for your “come to Jesus” talks and for helping me stay on track. Kristin, I miss your patience and understanding. I also miss how you “tell it like it is” and have something wise to say at just the right time.  Kristy, thank you for being the one who listened while I told you what I never had told anyone else and for helping me live through the feelings, however uncomfortable. Suja, thanks for holding me accountable and trusting me during those tough couple days in group where I felt completely out of control of my feelings.  And thanks to all my peers.  Empathy and understanding, cheerios and geckos, Walgreens and meatballs.  Memories I will never forget! Stay in touch!