Hi, I’m Kelly and I graduated SAFE this past Sept. I was doing really great when I first got home, you know, that high from having such a successful and intense time in program. Well for some reason I just didn’t see myself as being on the road of recovery. I think I was viewing it more as a fix. I’m wrong about that since this is recovery and recovery is a process that takes a long time.
I hit my major bump last week when I did just what the therapists told us to look out for – I found a substitute for my SI and I ended up back in the hospital, inpatient for 5 days. Right now I am attending partial and I am so grateful for having these groups!
At first I felt so ashamed and guilty that I failed in some major way but now I see it as a stumble. It’s turning out to be a really good attitude check and is reinforcing my need to extend my support network AND to receive help and care from those currently in my support network. I discovered that although I have this need to be wanted, accepted, loved, etc. I found I was feeling like those needs weren’t being met. But it’s not because it isn’t out there. It is! I’m just not very good at receiving that love or that care and that is what has to change.
Anyway, I am safe again and I am doing alright. I am once again logging and I found a new therapist, one who will make me work as hard as I did when in TX. Today I am standing up brushing off the dirt on my knees and continuing forward. I hope this inspires some people out there to keep pushing ahead.